HMMMPH

asdfghjklasdouvhqwiunisdbciaqdcaqbuqvx xd cqxcQc

that neverending feeling

your heart beats faster and all your emotions rush to your eyes
you push a smile through even though your hurting inside
but the tears just come trickling down the side of your check
you quickly brush it away, looking around, hoping no one saw


gosh everything that comes out of your mouth gets me down
i take it so personally you noe and its hard to believe in yourself again
so you may not believe in yourself and be self conscious
but that doesnt mean you have to put others down
if you dont believe in yourself, no one else will
whatever little faith i had in myself
youve now completely destroyed it
whoosh gone
i wonder if you really understand how it feels
to be on the other side of your words
to be stepped on
and to fake every single day of your life by smiling
coz my hearts not smiling
its beating
its just surviving
and wherever you go
you feel your being judged
wait let me rephrase that
you are being judged
i feel trapped
trapped in my own conscience
trapped in other peoples words
trapped
i cant breath
i cant take it anymore
everything is just weighing me down
down to the floor and now im crumbled
give me a break
please
im begging you

laterz

don't stop

hellooooooooo
today i went to nips house
good thing im azn and brought an umbrella for the sun coz while i was walking it started raining
:)

and hayley was there too coz she couldnt get into the cinemas. hahahas hayleys so funny
anyways she had some allergic reaction and her eyes went all puffy and she went red and got these bumps on her face
i think it was from jack
-sigh
so vico and hayley had to go
and me and nip made a bold and the beautiful minisode
it wouldve been so good if vico was there
SNV
coz then they could be in the video too
and then we ate like heaps
nip kept getting more food out like every half and hour
and then we pretended we were on the hills
:L
even thou we mock it we still act like them
they're so american and stupid
"jessss-ca! "


... oh yess
and we studied
a bit
hahas
well i got most of my maths assignment finished

overall today was fun
poor jack he was so hungry ):

xx pri

p.s can't wait til i move

its not just a feeling

so on saturday it was chinese new years eve
we had a party
but it wasnt that big though
but it was really fun and i got red packets :)
even though it wasnt that much though coz all my relatives are in new zealand.
but yeh it was such a feast.
i came back from softball after burning in the sun for agess
and i was so tired i fell asleep till the party started

and then on sunday i went to lucy's house and we made voltage girls tee shirts
mine is really dodged
it looks so childish coz of all the colours
and we had divine deserts and cupcakes and all these little sweet things for valentines day
and we played wii fit

anyways today i went to aerobics and it was actually a really good work out !!
except i dont want arm muscles coz it looks really bad on girls you noe?
but i like aerobics better than cross county
man i just die in cross country
and i also found out i got into senior dance troupe
im really excited
but you noe everyone i told was just like
oh did eveyone get in
p: no some people got kicked out
oh were they like the really bad people?

its nothing its just just that
it makes me feel so you noe
like if i get in
everyone mustve got in unless they were like realllllllly bad
how would you feel if everyone you told said that to you
it makes me feel so you noe; worthless

anyways i shouldnt be confessing my feelings on blogspot becoause random people i didnt even noe read my blog now read it so...
im gonna go now
xx pri

surprise

today was becs surprise party
happy 17th !
i cant wait til im seventeen
coz then i can get my learners
man its so unfair how we have to wait til we're 17 and everyone else whose birthday is before june 30(which is when they change the law) can get it at 16
hmmmph

oh well
thats life

i slept so much today
from 5- 10
when i came back from becs
i was so tired

anyways
im gonna go now


xx pri

memories renewed

today i had all my other subjects
theyre actually okay
but its so boring
coz mainly all we did was an introductory lesson
kay i cant believe im saying this but
GIVE ME ASSIGNMENTS
i actually need homework
okayy but im not a nerd

im just sooooo bored

well well wellllllll
on the bright side
i saw marlene againnn
at youth
and we could actually talk
coz on the train there wasnt enough time
and i laughed so much i srsly thought i was gonna get a six pack
i want a six pack
my dad complained about our crappy ab circle
and they said they'll replace it with the new model(hahas upside of having azn parents)
woooh

oh i need to clean the house now
coz oh oh oh did i tell you
IM MOVING HOUSE !!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOH im so excited

xx pri

another step

omgoshh
today i saw marleneeeeeeeeeeeee
awwwwwwww i miss her so much
and some people fully blocked my way on the train
so i couldnt get to her
til later...
anyways
first day for everyone today
it was so boring
and i brought my azn fan
it came in handy but it makes noise
so i couldnt use it much
but still

it was my first day with my new group
it was quite fun
i still have many memories with my old group though
and they will never disappear
but you noe
i just need a break

well it was good
seeing them all again
some people though gave me the cold shoulder
oh well
i guess i deserve it
watever ive done.

well well
marleneeeeeeeeee was the highlight of my gay day

xx pri